One way we can understand family and the inner workings of a family relationships is through the notion of ‘family constellation’.  Family constellation is a term coined by Rudolf Dreikurs to represent the family.  It’s a form of representation that considers the family unit including the parents, siblings and others belonging inside that family group.  He suggested that one can ascertain a formulation of a person’s lifestyle through investigation of the family constellation of a person.  He goes further to suggest that the interaction between members of the family is one of the most significant contributions to the individual of that family’s belief systems, behaviours and ideals.

From this understanding we are able to examine the birth order of children to get a picture of what behaviours and types of beliefs each individual child has from their position in the family unit of siblings. 

The first born is typically a high achiever who sometimes overvalues his own prestige.  A second born is typically opposite of the first child.  He or she chooses a form of career which doesn’t compete directly or much less so, with the first burns.  Will ‘try hard’ and maybe a rebel.  The youngest child is typically spoilt by parents and older siblings and may not be taken seriously at times.  They may lack self confidence and belief in one self.  They can become high achievers or ‘problem child’.  A middle child on the other hand may be more sociable than his or her other siblings.  He or she could believe that other people get more attention and that he or she feels that she or he has to struggle through life to exist.  An only child on the other hand may feel lonesome as she or he doesn’t have siblings.  Since there is little opportunity growing up to learn how to share, may have an inability to do so later in life.  He or she may learn to be a ‘getter’ rather than a ‘doer’. 

This map or framework for understanding family can in fact, help us understand why some children act the way they do and how each can respond to different circumstances.

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